Two weeks ago, while I was sitting on my chair and sipping black tea with milk, my girlfriend said that we had no money to pay our upcoming rent. I was like “Mmm... What do you mean?” “I mean we can’t pay rent because we have no money”, she said sadly. “Okay, No worries, I will deal with it.” In that moment, I had a feeling as if a small atomic bomb exploded in my mind. Of course I had no plan to deal with it. Nor did I have any thoughts, or ideas… Absolutely nothing! I just sat there looking calm and collected, but, to be honest, I wanted to scream my head off.
I knew that this was going to happen sooner or later. Last year wasn’t good for me. But shit, it doesn’t mean I was ready for this moment. Why did it happen? I’m a good designer with a great amount of experience who can make really good elaborate projects. But, why do I have to think about paying the rent right now?
After 30 minutes of Q&A with myself, I finally concluded that I did absolutely nothing to prevent us from getting into a situation like this. Let’s take a look at my last year’s day-to-day routine:
12pm. I wake up.
12:30pm. While I am eating my breakfast, I turn on YouTube. I have more than 40 channels in my subscription list. It is better for you not to know what kind of channels I have subscribed to. I watch all the new videos there, and, in many cases, I find myself doing the same shit at 2pm. I’m tired of it and I need to do something else.
2pm. I sit down at the computer, but suddenly find out I have nothing to do. Oh, ok, I’m going to play Counter-Strike for 1 hour.
4pm. Omg, it’s 4pm! We wanted to go to the grocery store. We should go there right now, because I hate to do it after sunset. Maybe I have some kind of a mental disorder, but I don’t like when the sun goes down, because the day is coming to its end and I think that I should go to sleep soon. Pretty unmotivational and unproductive time for me, despite the fact that usually I go to bed at 2am.
5pm. We come back from the store. I don’t like stores. It takes me a lot of energy to hate stores when I’m in a store. Anyway, it’s time to have dinner. It will be ready in 40 minutes. 40 minutes, it’s the right amount of time for watching Twitch. I like to watch major Counter-Strike tournaments with big prizes.
6pm. I watch YouTube while I’m eating my dinner and this takes two more hours.
8pm. I have been playing Counter-Strike for almost 2 years. In my opinion, this is the best game, because it requires players to have great skill and game sense. Every time I play this game I feel like a newbie. Day-to-day, I do my best to improve my game sense, aim and many micro aspects that affect my game. I learned how to communicate with my teammates in the best way possible. Anyway, every day I see players who play better than me.
Usually, I play with my teammates who live in Washington, and my friend from Los Angeles. So, 8pm it’s the right time to play with them 2 or 3 matches, which is about 2 hours. Sometimes, we can lose 4-16 or 2-16 and I just can’t get why. We have been playing every day for 2 years, but we still lose the fucking game. If we lose 2 of 3 games, it makes me frustrated. This emotion drives me to play better and to practice more every day.